Four Pillars of Support
Posted: Saturday, April 24, 2010
by Lynnette Vetsch
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
The other day I was sitting in a girlfriend's living room with three other women. We were chatting about our relationships; our ex husbands and the relationships we were currently in. It was at that moment that something occurred to me. It is so easy at times for us to get stuck in our relationships while often enabling our partners in their current situations.
Is that fair to us or to them? No it is not. It is not fair to us as it usually takes us down with them. It is not fair to them as it normally enables them to continue with those destructive behaviours and can cause more issues down the road that we will not want to be a part of.
One thing that became very apparent during this wonderful morning of comfort and support: we need people who can offer support in many forms for us. We need this so we can recognize, learn and grow from where we are to where we want to be.
There are four basic types of support that we need to move forward with: The Thinker, The Doer, The Communicator and The Listener. Generally, I find that each type of support comes from different people.
The Thinker is someone who will take the time to ponder the situation and ask you thought-provoking questions to make you look at the issue from every possible angle. They will help you analyze an issue, brainstorm ideas, and shed the light on parts of the issue you may never even thought were there.
The Doer is the one who can put things into Action. This person is your list and direction person, the one who can say, "okay let us do this, this and this; or let's try a couple of things here." The Doer provides you with your chunked down version of a goal you wish to obtain. They will take you step by step through getting to where you want to be with your idea and support you with various resources they are attuned to.
You then have one in your circle of friends who is The Communicator. This person is brutally honest and can give you the kick in the butt you may need. This person comes at you bluntly and speaks straight forward as to how things really are...no sugar coating at all! They love you with all their heart and they know what is good for you and what is not. They are the people who don't put up with any guff and can call it like it is. They are important people in your circle as they are the people who provide that pillar of strength when you don't necessarily have any yourself.
Your final one is one who is The Listener and allows you to spew like a volcano when needed. They just sit there and listen to all things, whether they are good, bad or ugly. They do not judge you but offer strong arms for hugging and patience to just let you do what you need to do.
It has been my observation and experience that without these four types of people in one's world, we stay stuck in our behaviours and do not move beyond our comfort zones. When choosing your circle of friends, consider having these supportive and loving people amongst them and challenge your world to stretch.
Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
www.amaxa.org
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Thanks for this article Lynette. You're right, it can be a fine line between enabling and supporting, not always easy to figure out.The brutally honest person is always suspect to me, because so often it's about projection. I know for myself when I want to tell somebody what they're doing wrong, usually it's because they've pressed a button of mine that is hard for me to look at. Easier to point out somebody else's faults.Yes Jennifer, it always is the easier route to find fault in others, but these people do it with love and care and make us aware thus not doing it in blaming us but doing it to help us...and once we are able to accept their words with their love it can push us forward to better things.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Good ideas.Thank you again Jenn!
I have to say I'm a Doer, now I know why I do what I do!Yes, we all have or specialities in life and in our circle of friends. It is understanding this piece that helps that circle meld better together... I love my group of gals!
Great "short shot" explanations and insights, Lynette. Enjoyed the read.Thank you Marijo.
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